Sunday, August 21, 2005

As my 25th birthday rapidly approaches, I've been thinking a lot: what have I done with my life? What have I to show for the years of life I've been given? Am I following God's will? What does the future hold? Dare I put down roots in Downey? What things in my life need to change?

I've been reading in 2 Kings, about how some kings were bad, others worse, and others were actually good and followed God. But even with the good ones, there were varying degrees of godliness. Only a few followed God like David, removing the necessary things from the kingdom and their subjects' lives . The rest of the good kings loved God, but not like king David, because they left the high places and the Asherah poles, which led to the people's downfall, as they reverted back to old habits, traditions of godlessness. And of course, I count myself in with those whose heart was like David, following God so carefully. But instead, I think I might just belong in the Asherah pole-loving group, those who kept their high places of worship. I know that their are things in my life that I have sealed and marked as "off limits" to God; what are they? The fact that I can't even easily identify them seems to be a sign of complacency, of having become so comfortable with them that I don't even recognize anymore that they don't belong here.

I long for my Asherah poles to be cut down, for my high places to be smashed. For I, "except you enthrall me, never shall be free, nor ever chaste, except You ravish me."


ceridwen said...

ah. How true this is. I'm certain that I'll be counted as one of the faithful, for that's what the leaders and teachers tell me. I'm something special, they've led me to believe, but I'm not so certain. Rather, I'm just an average, partial devotee. Oh, the bane of being only half-sold out. Fully redeemed, but living in compromise too often--that's an apt description of me.

Amy said...

i love john donne