Wednesday, August 31, 2005

unsettled

like a still pond beginning to ripple, disturbed by a falling leaf
like a stone rolling downhill, beginning an avalanche
like a child chosen last for a ball game
like an inexperienced skier at the top of a slope

left over, yet on the verge of something
totally expended, but with so much potential, so much to give
to spin the wheels and have them meet firm ground!
to see the end before embarking on the journey!
to walk by sight rather than by faith!

where to go? what to do? which road in the yellow wood?
what of the road already traveled? of the voice spoken to the heart?
to be able to cling to be immovable rock and not let go . . . !

Sunday, August 21, 2005

As my 25th birthday rapidly approaches, I've been thinking a lot: what have I done with my life? What have I to show for the years of life I've been given? Am I following God's will? What does the future hold? Dare I put down roots in Downey? What things in my life need to change?

I've been reading in 2 Kings, about how some kings were bad, others worse, and others were actually good and followed God. But even with the good ones, there were varying degrees of godliness. Only a few followed God like David, removing the necessary things from the kingdom and their subjects' lives . The rest of the good kings loved God, but not like king David, because they left the high places and the Asherah poles, which led to the people's downfall, as they reverted back to old habits, traditions of godlessness. And of course, I count myself in with those whose heart was like David, following God so carefully. But instead, I think I might just belong in the Asherah pole-loving group, those who kept their high places of worship. I know that their are things in my life that I have sealed and marked as "off limits" to God; what are they? The fact that I can't even easily identify them seems to be a sign of complacency, of having become so comfortable with them that I don't even recognize anymore that they don't belong here.

I long for my Asherah poles to be cut down, for my high places to be smashed. For I, "except you enthrall me, never shall be free, nor ever chaste, except You ravish me."