Tuesday, June 14, 2005

what susan said

i recently went home.

what a loaded sentence--can you ever return home? where is home, anyway?

this past week i realized that, while i had come to terms and become comfortable with the fact that i had finally moved on with my post-college life, i wasn't quite ready for my family and friends to do so.

thankfully, some things are still the same. i can still get into the movies in joplin for free, which means that thom remains in town. i still stayed out until 2 or 3 a.m., enjoying the company of close friends. my brother and i went to see the newest installment of star wars, as we have five times before. my sister and i, as we often have in the past, went out to eat, watched movies, and talked about how life has turned out differently than we may have expected.

but now my brother has girl friends he spends more time with than his family. my sister is going to get her master's in counseling, at which i know she will excel, but leaves me feeling left behind. my parents are often out traveling, just the two of them, meeting people i will probably never know, unlike when we were growing up and went everywhere together. my friends will soon be moving on with their lives, too, going places and doing things of which i am no longer a part.

so my melancholic temperament came out full force, demanding my complete attention, then leaving me at the bottom of a (figurative) bottle. i then rediscovered an old cd i had, by the poet, rich mullins.

from "what susan said", based on proverbs 27:5-10 & philemon 12
and we both feel lost
but I remember what Susan said
how love is found in the things we've given up
more than in the things that we have kept
and ain't it funny what people say
and ain't it funny what people write
and ain't it funny how it hits you so hard
in the middle of the night
and if your home is just another place where you're a stranger
and far away is just somewhere you've never been
i hope that you'll remember, i was your friend
i hope you'll have the strength to just remember
i'm still your friend

so, while i won't resort to another round of "friends are friends forever", i am grateful for the kindred spirits i have discovered at the intersection of our paths. erin, victor, jonathan, charro, ceri, erica, solomon, thom, pam, kelly--every place i've been is marked by a blessed friendship, someone who has helped me grow and see God in a new light. and although moving on is so extremely difficult for me, i thank God for the pleasantness of my friends, springing from their earnest counsel (prov 27:9).

and while i know life is meant to constantly evolve into something new rather than remain static, i also know that certain things, such as the way thom can get under my skin, will never change. and what a comfort that is.


ceridwen said...

ah. How true, dear one. I recall feeling a little lost at times my fresh year of college (who am I kidding? I often still feel lost) and wondering would these new friendships I was forming last forever? Surely they couldn't, I worried. A wise (albeit sometimes silly) young lady across the hall reminded me that friendships are often for a season and that letting go of seasons bygone would ease the transitions. It's not any less painful when we move on, for sure, but knowing that it's all right, that the time was sweet and the new moments we're making room for will also be sweet helps ease the process. And girl, let me just say, though the leaves may change color, and the sun it's angle, our season isn't even close to over.

Daniela said...

It's true. Thom will always be there to get on our nerves, it seems like, no matter what. And that can make us feel better any time. And when he's not around to get on our nerves, it can comfort us to just talk about how he used to.

This seems to be a popular subject lately. Maybe it has to do with this particular circle of friends and the age we're all getting to. It's time to move on. I'm so glad that moving on happens in more of a slight slant than an extreme drop off (although, I must admit, sometimes it feels like a drop off).

ceridwen said...

hey. I can't help my sparse posting...I'm on vacation for heaven's sake.

Yeah, this leaving and growing up and moving on business does seem to be on all our minds right now.